Crime on the Canals

A few will be aware I have been known to speak on various subjects over the years. Fundamentally these all revolve around my favourite subject of etymology. Have always enjoyed bringing this fascinating subject to others. It’s not for me to say whether the audiences have, although many have asked me to return.

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with Crime on the Canals. A look at over two centuries of murder, theft, criminal damage, health and safety, and even truancy. Until the coming of the railways these waterways were the main arterial routes in the country and, as such, proved a temptation to every rogue, rotter and ne'er-do-well. Not just the macabre here but also the mysterious the hapless and more than a little humour. There is a PowerPoint presentation to accompany this talk if required.

Throughout our islands' history we find tales of thieves, smugglers, thugs and murderers. Books have been written retelling tales of bandits, footpads, highwaymen, et al, attacking the lone traveller, the horseman, the coachman, shipping line, locomotive engineer, lorry or van driver and even pilot. Yet for almost two centuries the majority of goods travelled on Britain's famed canal network. This also attracted felons of all kinds and yet these many tales had been ignored, until now.

Here all manner of crimes are covered. From murders to muggings, parental problems to pilfering, arson, assault, smugglers, counterfeiters and even road rage (albeit canal-style). But it is not all morbid and misery, humour also plays a significant part in these tales. Why would a hungry man steal the inedible? Follow the policeman on foot chasing down a thief on board the narrowboat. Discover what really does lie beneath the waters of the canal. Learn canal etiquette, the hardships, the kindness and the cruelty.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line andf if you want to buy the book, contact me or try Amazon where it is also available as an ebook.

That was not what I meant. (H)

Another look at the sometimes ludicrous change in meanings. We tend to blame the dictionary, or more likely the government for any change we have no control over, but when it comes to language it is purely the populous who have full control. Use it in the wrong or a different sense often enough, it becomes part of the language.

Haggard, 'drawn, tired' tired, but in the sixteenth century was used to refer to an untamed hawk in adult plumage, especially a female hawk.

Handsome's original meaning can still be seen if split into its two composite words. Here 'hand some', at least from the fifteenth century, referred to something 'easy to handle'.

Happy is the state of being pleased or contented, and surely couldn't have meant anything else. But in the fourteenth century it was the state of enjoying 'hap', a word meaning 'good fortune'.

Harlot is a derogatory term which is exclusively femail in the modern era. Back in the thirteenth century when the term first appeared, it referred to a 'low fellow'.

Harvest today is the act of gathering in the crops. As this is generally at the end of the growing season in autumn, it is easy to see why 'harvest' was originally a synonym for 'autumn'.

Hazard is a danger, perhaps an obstacle, today but back in the thirteenth century was a dice game - indeed it is mentioned as such in Shakespeare's Henry V.

Headland may be a topographical feature today, a bluff or higher ground, but it began simply as the end of the ploughed strip in a field.

Hearse is today a vehicle used to transport a coffin, but when it first came to England in the fourteenth century from the French herse it described a framework resembling a harrow, but designed to carry candles over a coffin.

Heckle, the harrassment of a speaker, started life meaning the long feathers around the nexks of some birds.

Henchmen today are criminals, albeit not a term used frequently in conversation, but in the fourteenth century it referred to a squire or one who attended horses.

Hike refers to a long, chiefly rural, walk. From the eighteenth century it was used to mean 'jerk, pull'.

History can only be history, a tale or record of events in times past. But no, in the fifteenth century it meant the same as 'story', and appears in the original translation of AEsop's Fables.

Hobby today is a pastime, or perhaps a small hawk, but in the fourteenth century it was a small horse or pony.

Honest may mean 'trustworthy, fair' today, but its early use in the thirteenth century was used to mean 'comely, of pleasant appearance'.

Hoodwink or 'deceive' today, but a more literal sense in the thirteenth century as 'blindfold'.

Horrid is unpleasant today, but when it first came to English from the Latin horridus it had the same meaning as 'shaggy, bristling'.

Hospice/hospital share an origin with 'hospitality' and referred to a place where people could get their head down and most often this was a religious establishment.

Host, at least from the thirteenth century, would not offer a warm welcome as it was used as a synonym for 'army'.

Humour may be laughed at today, but in the fourteenth century was used in the sense of 'sense-changer'.

Hussy today is seen as a derogatory term, used to describe a woman or questionable morals, although I tend to hear it more often used in a jocular way. Historically there was no question of it being politically incorrect in the sixteenth century, for it simply meant 'housewife', and by the early eighteenth century was also used to refer to a woman who was known for her frugal lifestyle.

Hutch, a small pen and usually for a rabbit, began as a storage container in the fourteenth century and would have contained clothes or money.

Hypochondriacs worry about their health incessantly, see symptoms where none exist, but 'hypochondria' began as a general term for the upper abdomen.

Global Belly Laugh Day

Last time I examined some of the more unusual choices of days to raise awareness for a number of causes – ranging from the worthwhile to the decidedly weird. Amongst those which caught my eye was 24th January, which will mark Global Belly Laugh Day. The idea is simple enough, laughter being the one thing which crosses all boundaries irrespective of creed, culture, race, language, gender, inside leg measurement, et al.

Yet is this actually true? The oft-quoted “Two nations divided by a common language” remarks on the minor differences between American English that spoken in the UK. The same is true of American humor, which is certainly different from British humour and yet the language is still ostensibly English. It got me wondering if humour really does translate. Will a German joke translate to French? Will the Spanish ROFL at a whimsical Welshman? As an experiment I dug out a few jokes in various languages and reproduce them here for your enjoyment (or more likely not).



French: Mother to her daughter: If you are wise, you will go to heaven, and if you are not wise, you will go to hell. The girl responded with “And what do I have to do to go to the circus?”



Spanish: My computer always beats me at chess, but I always win at boxing.



German: Teacher to pupil: “For such impertinence you will write out ‘I am a lazy person’ one hundred times and have it signed by your father.”



While those three could be recognised as humour, thereafter it starts to get a little surreal.



Italian: You cannot call your mother …. You do not have a modem!



Chinese: A little sea turtle was swimming in the middle of the ocean, when he bumped into something floating on the surface. The sea turtle had never seen anything like it, so he asked "What are you?" The thing replied, "I am a dragon", then floated away. One hundred years passed by, and the small sea turtle had grown into a great big sea turtle. He was floating on the surface, and once again he came across his old friend, who he hadn’t seen in one hundred years. He was amazed that, although he himself had changed greatly over the course of a hundred years, the dragon had hardly changed at all. The sea turtle had always believed that he was the longest-living creature on earth, but here was something that lived even longer. He asked, "What kind of dragon are you, that you don’t change and don’t become old and feeble?" "Oh! I am Styrofoam."



The Mandarin Chinese narrative does not work because the same word can be used, depending on the context, for Styrofoam, dragon and a couple of other things. The same would be true about some British comedy, such as the old routine about the different pronunciations for words ending in ‘-ough’ where ‘bough’ is pronounced ‘buff’, ‘cough’ becomes ‘cow’, and so on.

I would welcome any suggestions for themes or subjects, or even specific words to examine the origins, meanings and etymologies. I’d be delighted to hear from you.