Conspiracy Theories

Daffodils share 35% of their genetic makeup with humans. I would point out that I have relatives where that figure must be closer to 95%, but that would mean having to listen to the numerous complaints (from the daffodils, of course), so I shall keep quiet.

It was one of the daffodils, I mean relatives, who voiced their belief that mankind had never made it to the Moon, the whole thing was faked. When I asked what evidence they had to substantiate this claim, I was told "Well, one in six people don't believe it!"

If the validity of such theories simply requires a small minority to believe them to be true, then perhaps this is all we need for the following to be true:

Contrails left by high-flying aircraft are deliberately laden with chemicals and biological agents to make us ill is believed by one in six.

Coca-Cola changed their recipe for their most successful product in 1985 - known as New Coke - to make it more addictive, at the same time using cheaper and inferior ingredients.

Paul McCartney died in a car accident in 1966. His replacement, Scottish orphan William Shears Cambell, has been fooling the world ever since.

Elvis Presley, Lord Lucan, and Shergar are alive and well and living beneath the main stand of Leinster Rugby Club. Elvis may also be alive and well and living on the Moon with Adolf Hitler. Although if the idea that Hitler is living in Antarctica or South America is true, Elvis may have difficulty finding him, even though even Elvis might be able to run faster as Hitler would now be 132 years of age.

Many theories surround the New World Order - the idea takes too long to explain, but basically involves a select elite taking over after having destroyed civilization as we know it - one being their headquarters is a massive futuristic city buried beneath Denver International Airport. Among those who are convinced this is true are Beyonce, Whitney Houston, and perennial nutcase David Icke (yes, he was the one who suggested he was the second coming).

Israelis have enlisted some animals to conduct espionage and eliminate people. Apparently Israeli-trained sharks have been eating people off Egypt, Hezbollah has trained spying eagles as aerial spies, and in 2011 an eagle was captured and found to be carrying a satellite tracking device.

An astonishing number accept the idea that former US President Bill Clinton and his wife Hilary Clinton have conspired to assassinate more than fifty of their associates.

Fluoride in water to help with dental problems has been seen as a communist plot to weaken the decadent west and also a way to dispose of industrial waste.

Vaccination causes autism, this claimed by discredited former doctor Andrew Wakefield. Such luminaries as Rob Schneider, Jim Carrey, and Donald Trump have expressed their belief in this theory.

Flat Earth Theory suggests the idea that the planet is anything other than flat is faked. This includes rigging pilots GPS devices to make them think they are flying around the globe.

Last Man Burned at the Stake

11th April 1612 and Edmund Wightman wouldn’t have known it at the time but he was to be the last person to be burned at the stake for heresy in this country, the execution taking place in the square outside St Mary’s Church in Lichfield, a plaque marks the site.

Aside from a number of views which would probably be considered simply the start of a new sect today, he made the mistake of claiming Edmund Wightman was the promised Messiah of the Old Testament; that he was the Holy Spirit; he was the prophet Elijah; Christ was never incarnate and but merely a man; that Christ was not God; there was no Trinity; baptism is wickedness; the communion is evil; and God ordained him the saviour of the world. David Icke must be secretly pleased he wasn’t born in the latter part of the 16th century.

However there is an earlier part to this story for, on March 9th that year, he had been brought to the market to be burned at the stake. The fire was lit and he was heard to cry out and beg for mercy, repenting for everything he had said and done. The people of Lichfield broke through the cordon and dragged the man from the flames, several being badly burned in the process. Wightman was forced to read out his repentance before the chains were removed. Bishop was not impressed and sent for him to read the repentance a second time bur Wightman refused hence he was sent back to the stake and the cordon strengthened to prevent a repeat of the March debacle. In April none were allowed through until the fire had died out completely and all that was left was a pile of ashes.