Thursday, 4 August 2011

The Capital Punishment Debate

With all this talk of the death penalty and should we / shouldn't we, I was reminded the apparent abolition in the 1960s didn't include a number of things including fire-bombing a naval dockyard (until 1971) and treason not until as recently as 1998. This set me thinking, not about any moral implications but just what might carry the death penalty. Of course everyone will have their own pet hates but, just in case you read this (and particularly if you find yourself a neighbour of mine), perhaps you might want to think about the following personal annoyances.

1. Chewing with the mouth open

2. Failing to queue properly.

3. Labelling children with dumb names.

4. Being Jeremy Kyle.

5. Allowing the pet cat to roam free.

6. Contacting me to "compare fuel prices".

7. Not addressing me as 'Mr.......' when appropriate to do so.

8. Any association with a Chinese Lantern.

9. Barking when there's nothing to bark at.

10. Using an umbrella on days when it is far too windy.

11. Saying "And I thought oooooooooo!" (unless you're a friend of Thomas the Tank Engine).

12. Topiary (this includes taking a perfectly good tree-shaped conifer and hacking at it until it resembles a large green bollard).

13. Saying "fart" on Blue Peter.

14. Use of "proactive", it isn't a word but a yoghurt.

15. Manufacturers of tea sets for kids (who then subject parents to a diet of dusty water and grey pastry dough)

16. Socks and sandals

17. Asking me "security questions" when they made the call.

18. Marketing the iron and/or ironing board.

19. Overuse of the word 'basically'.

20. Not owning at least one of my books.

1 comment:

  1. Am with you on many of those. Tho of course because I'm a woolly woofter leftie i don't actually condone death penalty, more an eternal subjection to something like an open mouth chewing or suchlike.