Talking Butts

A few will be aware I have been known to speak on various subjects over the years. Fundamentally these all revolve around my favourite subject of etymology. Have always enjoyed bringing this fascinating subject to others. It’s not for me to say whether the audiences have, although many have asked me to return.

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with Talking Butts. An odd title which looks at the many odd ideas, often accepted as a part of history, which have no basis in fact. The title comes from the many minor place names, found most often for fields or narrow lanes, seen as 'The Butts' or similar and commonly thought to show where medieval villagers honed their skills with the long bow. Yet it is easy to see this could never be true as the name nearly always appears several centuries before the law allowing the male villagers to miss church on Sundays in order to practise. Many other 'facts' are given an airing and shown they could never stand up to scrutiny. There is a PowerPoint presentation to accompany this talk if required.

Some years ago I gave a talk in Banbury, Oxfordshire, when someone asked me if I could explain the origin of the place name ‘The Butts’ (as explained above) and then proceeded to argue with me saying he knew shooting took place at this particular spot. I thought he was arguing for the long bow around 700 years ago and I was contradicting in saying it was a physical abutment about twice that length of time ago. It turned out he was arguing he knew because his dad told him – and dad was doing the shooting closer to 70 years ago – the Home Guard were on rifle shooting practice.

Queen Victoria said “we are not amused” – and yet the only written account appears in 1919 (18 years after Queen Victoria died) by former courtier Caroline Holland writing about an equerry’s visit to court and how he tried to impress the queen with a story of scandal and impropriety. Yet it is a matter of historical record that Holland wasn’t even in the country at that time.

Thomas Edison invented the light bulb – nope, several versions had been developed before this, Edison’s design was simply better and lasted longer.

And the Wall Street Crash of 1929 saw brokers leaping to their deaths from skyscrapers in Wall Street. It may have been the Great Depression, but there were only four suicides recorded, just two on Wall Street, and all four shot themselves.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

The Saxon Era

A few will be aware I have been known to speak on various subjects over the years. Fundamentally these all revolve around my favourite subject of etymology. Have always enjoyed bringing this fascinating subject to others. It’s not for me to say whether the audiences have, although many have asked me to return.

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with The Saxon Era. A revealing look at the so-called Dark Ages, revealing why they were anything but 'dark' and gave us a language, a system of government, many of the imperial measurements, and much, much more. There is a PowerPoint presentation to accompany this talk if required.

The talk focuses on that which the Saxons brought to our culture and which we still use today. Now while we are officially a nation which went metric years ago, we still use the pint and the mile.

Mile comes from the Latin for ‘one thousand’, the idea being it represented a thousand paces. Now the Romans didn’t have extremely long legs or a ridiculously long stride – which would be required to walk a mile of 1,760 yards in a thousand paces – it is simply that, for the Romans, a pace was two steps (or what we would see as two paces).

Pint comes from a time when we didn’t drink ale from a glass but from a clay or leather vessel. The latter, made from leather scraps joined together and sealed with tar even less likely to be accurate than the clay version. To ensure the measure served would be the same for all, a line was painted on the inner surface to show when the measure was correct. A paint line became a ‘pint’ line and the measurement stuck.

Acre, still a popular measurement of land area, was for the Saxons was never a measurement but simply a reference to land used for agriculture.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Humorous Etymologies

A few will be aware I have been known to speak on various subjects over the years. Fundamentally these all revolve around my favourite subject of etymology. Have always enjoyed bringing this fascinating subject to others. It’s not for me to say whether the audiences have, although many have asked me to return.

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with Humorous Etymologies. This talk features a look at some of the more ludicrous ways words which, coined to mean one thing, were later used in a completely different context. For example the gasket found in all engines began as meaning 'a little girl' and later used to mean 'small rope'; easel, that used by artists, began as a Dutch word meaning 'donkey'; orange, that is the colour not the fruit, was originally called 'yellow-red'; quack originally meant 'the croaking of frogs'; and inch, the measurement, began as 'thumb'. There is a PowerPoint presentation to accompany this talk if required, but as a taster let’s look at a couple of words and their origins.

Sycophant – defined as ‘a person who acts obsequiously toward another in order to gain advantage’, it comes to English from Greek and originally meant ‘fig smuggler’. During the days of the Greek city states, Athens was keen to ensure its own success instead of its rivals and banned the export of foodstuffs outside the city walls. They had no problem exporting their own products, what they didn’t want was the food brought in being purchased and then taken away. Figs, having a comparatively long life and rather good for you, were a favourite to try and smuggle out as they were easy to secrete around the body. In order to get others to point the finger of accusation, Athenian law actively encouraged blackmailing for profit as the authorities often failed to bring the smugglers to justice. Those who most often faced charges were fig smugglers.

Punch – the drink, not the assault – comes from a Sanskrit word meaning ‘five’, as the traditional punch contained five ingredients. Indeed, the other use of ‘punch’ comes from the drink, it alluding to the five ingredients (four fingers and a thumb).

One more?

Penguin, those famously flightless birds are named from the Welsh meaning ‘white head’. Now, look at every picture of every species of penguin and they all have black heads. The error comes from the black and white bird resembling the great auk, another black and white sea bird but one with a white top to its head. Now the great auk is said to be extinct, however perhaps they have fooled everyone and have simply disguised themselves as penguins by wearing a close-fitting hat.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Animal Myths

A few will be aware I have been known to speak on various subjects over the years. Fundamentally these all revolve around my favourite subject of etymology. Have always enjoyed bringing this fascinating subject to others. It’s not for me to say whether the audiences have, although many have asked me to return.

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with Animal Myths. This examination of some of (what seem to us today) the quite ludicrous ideas our ancestors once attributed to our animals. For example the giraffe is the result of a cross between a leopard and a camel; barnacle geese are so-called because nobody had ever seen them lay an egg and they were thought to hatch from the barnacles found on rocks and the bottom of boats; and the hare, a particularly odd creature according to our ancestors, where the female carried eggs on its back (hence eggs being associated with Easter) while the genitalia of the male hare were worn on the belt to ward off infertility. There is a PowerPoint presentation to accompany this talk if required. There is a PowerPoint presentation to accompany this talk if required.

Barnacle geese hatch from barnacles – as the geese migrate to breed, nobody have ever seen a barnacle goose hatch from an egg.

Otters are fish – spread by Carthusian monks so they could eat meat at Lent.

Butterflies are witches flying by day.

Magpies carry a drop of the Devil’s blood under its tongue.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Origins of Pub Names

A few will be aware I have been known to speak on various subjects over the years. Fundamentally these all revolve around my favourite subject of etymology. Have always enjoyed bringing this fascinating subject to others. It’s not for me to say whether the audiences have, although many have asked me to return.

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with Origins of Pub Names

I once worked at a pub called the Ale Stake. It had the story of the origin of the name on the wall, saying it recalled Saxon to Medieval times, when travelers were alerted to a home brew available nearby with a tree where the lower branches had been removed and a sheaf of barley tied at eye level.

Pub names generally fall into a handful of categories: Heraldic, such as the Red lion; Royalist, the Royal Oak being one; the church, such as the Cross Keys; the product, the Three Tuns; and welcoming and humorous, such as the Dew Drop Inn.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Privies

A few will be aware I have been known to speak on various subjects over the years. Fundamentally these all revolve around my favourite subject of etymology. Have always enjoyed bringing this fascinating subject to others. It’s not for me to say whether the audiences have, although many have asked me to return.

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these presentations, continuing with Privies.

Pop to the loo, go, flush, wash. Nothing could be simpler in the modern world but it wasn't always like this. Our parents, grandparents, and earlier generations had to toddle off down the path to the privy at the bottom of garden. During warm summer days the hole in a board with no flush or sewage system sounds bad enough - but after dark and in the depths of winter armed with only a candle? A number of narratives from the Toilet Tales of Yesteryear and told as only the British can.

Gongfermors, or night soil men, were charged with emptying privies. They would do this regularly, the regularity depending on the size of the pit below. One such pit was in the Bishop’s Medieval Palace in Lincoln, where the detritus down the pit would be cleared out regularly – every 50 years, on average.

Another tale comes from Europe and the thoroughly dislikeable Frederick Barbarossa. Even the man himself realised how much he was hated, and knowing he was most likely to be assassinated whilst paying a visit, ordered that nobody should visit the privy unless he did.

With the whole entourage answering a call of nature together – be they male or female – it put a great deal of strain on the wooden flooring. Eventually the combination of the weight of people and the rotting wood resulted in the floor giving way and several ‘visitors’ disappeared into the morass below – four of whom were never seen or heard of again.

Finally I once discovered a large urinal in a museum, where an image of a bee was to be seen at around knee height. When I asked why it was there, I was told it was a target – hit the target, no splash back. I then asked why a bee, and was told because the Latin name for a bee is apis. And they say these Victorians had no sense of humour.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.

Not the Normal Paranormal

A few will be aware I have been known to speak on various subjects over the years. Fundamentally these all revolve around my favourite subject of etymology. Have always enjoyed bringing this fascinating subject to others. It’s not for me to say whether the audiences have, although many have asked me to return.

Thought it might be worthwhile sharing a snippet or two from these etymological presentations, continuing with Not the Normal Paranormal.

Here the hour or so sees how I was introduced to the subject and began to write about same, how I research the stories, and my own experiences. A snippet or two from each of my paranormal books ends with the tale of the oddest of telephone calls (which I still don't understand) and then questions from the audience.

Perhaps one of my favourite stories comes from Birmingham and the Old Crown at Deritend. It is claimed to be the oldest pub in Birmingham, it has not always been a pub but is the licensed premises occupying the oldest building in the Second City. There are numerous ghostly reports from this place, but one stands out.

Today the pub offers a room for the night, but owing to building restrictions there are a couple of things which the Old Crown was unable to provide at the time. First there are no en suites in any of the rooms; next the shutters on the windows do not exclude all the light from the busy High Street outside; and finally there are no locks on the doors but a peg is inserted in the latch when inside the room. I mention these three key points as they are all relevant to the story.

A couple of thirty-somethings – we’ll call the Dick and Jane - opted for a weekend in Birmingham to liven up their marriage. After a meal and few drinks in the city centre, they returned to the Old Crown for drinks and an early night. Upstairs in their room, with shutters drawn and peg inserted in the latch, they did what comes naturally to couples in love. (That’s sex, if you don’t know or can’t remember.)

In the early hours of the morning Dick awoke and found he had to answer a call of nature. He tried to ignore it, having no en suite, but eventually had fold back the quilt, slide out of bed, slip on his trousers and, having removed the peg, managed to slip out of the room and pad quietly along the corridor to the visit the facilities.

Minutes later, suitably relieved, he padded back to the room but stopped when reaching the door which he had left ajar. Standing outside he could not believe his ears. From inside the room came noises, sounds he was very familiar with, and sounds he had heard earlier in the evening from Jane. Indeed, they were very recognizably from Jane.

Dick jumped to the conclusion that someone had taken his place in the bed. But for reasons I have never understood, decided to wait outside until the intruder emerged (the door being his only avenue of escape) instead of rushing in and coming to Jane’s rescue. But this plan fell through when, despite the ‘action’ inside the room clearly having reaching a conclusion, nobody emerged.

In rushed Dick (perhaps I should have chosen a different name) to gallantly defend Jane’s honour, only to find she was lying in bed exactly as he had left her and the bedclothes just as he had left them. Perplexed, Dick removed his trousers, slid into bed and, just as he pulled the quilt across, Jane turned over, three an arm and a leg over him and announced “That was the best EVER!”

Dick later told me he has never had the nerve to tell her he wasn’t in the room at the time.

Having related this story when giving this talk, I have been asked several times the room number and I can reveal this to be …… well you will have to read the book or book me for the talk to find out.

If you think you know someone who would like to hear me speak on this subject, drop me a line.